


your loves/grief

by rayofsinshine (spookyloki)



Category: Warriors - Erin Hunter
Genre: F/F, F/M, anyway leafstar is kin energy for me, i thought of this in the bathroom and immediately had to write it, if it feels rushed it probably is bc it is, thats all I got
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-03
Updated: 2019-07-03
Packaged: 2020-06-03 15:05:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19466482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spookyloki/pseuds/rayofsinshine
Summary: Warm days and real laughter, and love, not for the first time, but for a long time. an exploration of leafstar losing her closest friends.





	your loves/grief

Warm days and real laughter, and love, not for the first time, but for a long time. You and him could watch your kits until the sun stopped and the shadows grew, and how he looked at you. The glint in his eyes was unmatchable when he touched you, and you were warm. You wish you could forget when he disappeared in winter for quarter moon after quarter moon and every night it was colder. The nest was cold, and your heart grew cold without his beating close. You doubted again and again. You knew it was not his fault. He was shut in against his will. You wanted him to leave the house for you, to stay wild with you. But he did not choose you first. He lived with a paw in each world and if you made him choose, you would be cutting off his leg. You knew this, and you could feel the pain you would cause as if it was your own.  
You wished greenleaf was longer. You wish he loved you longer. Your kits held you together still, but it was a heavy love, a learning love. It was a compromise. And he still chose not to go with you. 

Cora. She was lovely, and had wit and tongue to match yours. Claws sharp and voice soft. You felt something in you one more time, but anything between you stayed unsaid. Undone. You asked her to stay, but you already knew the answer. There was never a choice. But she knew what you could have been together; powerful friends, and you both felt it. Something else, a tightly-closed blossom that would be favored in sunlight. In time, it would have bloomed into something great, and lasted longer than memory. You were sure of it, and she knew it too. But it was too much. A garden was not an answer to your question that you couldn’t ask, that you were refused before you could know her more. Your hearts never beat together. Your fur never pressed close, you never saw a glint of something more than a surface bond. Sometimes you ache for what could have been, because you know the roots would’ve grown deep. But she did not come with you.

Her name, the last one, was so beautiful. She was so unfamiliar to you, but became your closest friend. You understood her and she understood you, maybe too much. When one was wrong, you both knew it, and it hurt to have it admitted. Your love was so strong, but your fights were like thorns in the softest moss. She knew you more than anyone else, and you were scared. You had not had anyone feel with you before. Perhaps her name, her soul, was like a mirror, an echo to you. You finally found what you were looking for, someone who would never leave your side. Until you pushed her away, and then all hell broke loose, and you were lost. She was lost, and your heart lost too. A piece of you. She’d left again. They always did. And you missed her so, so much. 

You still were not alone. You knew this. The pain was great, like snow on delicate branches. It was leaf-bare again. It felt as if every emotion in you was frozen. You had been grieving since you had met him and lost him. And now you grieved for her. But leaf-bare does not last. The snow melts. He came back. She stayed with you. 

You were not alone. You are not alone.

**Author's Note:**

> sorry i was sad


End file.
